Dedicated Hosting without the dedication
Now you can pay for something to go down on you without having to worry about your marital vows! That's right, our servers just love to go down on you, which is something you can't say about our so-called rivals. Not only do we offer this unique service, check some of the other things we offer:
* The cheapest price around, because our tech staff consists solely of a trained monkey. Well, potty trained anyway.
* No problems with rebooting the server because of patches... We don't bother patching!
* All our hosting services come with Anonymous FTP enabled. That's right, free warez! And all you have to do is pay for the bandwidth charges!
* Your server will be hosted in our dedicated hosting environment (In the basement next to the washing machine). All the services you'd expect from a world-class hosting basement, including lights, power usually and mops!
* Worried that anyone hacking your site wouldn't have much to work with? Well worry no more, we now include full .NET functionality from Microsoft to really give those hackers something to get their teeth into.
* Matt's Formmail script comes with your website to get information easily from your customers. Oh and enable spamming through it.
* Thinking you might need more control over your site? We've installed all the most popular trojans and backdoors including the ever-popular BO2K to give YOU the power you need.
* Selling products? Of course you are! Our simple to use e-commerce package stores all your customer details in a plain text file which you can open in Word, because you're the kind of person who couldn't name more than one word processor!
* If you're thinking about hosting with us, you've obviously not got the first clue about the Internet. So you can use the almost-a-web-design-program Microsoft Frontpage to design and upload your site easily-ish.